Are You Offended? How To Recognize How Generational Communication Can Offend
Recently I attended a conference as a participant- I haven’t been to this conference in a few years and I was looking forward to seeing familiar faces as well as to learn something new.
I did indeed learn a lot but not from the sessions themselves as much as from observing the different generations at the conference, how they communicated and what they were saying to each other.
This traditional organization has the responsibility to honor the long standing and mature members of the group while also appealing to the younger Generation X. Not so much the Generation Y as they are not fully represented at this conference yet.
What was fascinating was that what might not offend a Generation X seemed to offend a Baby Boomer and it was centered around choice of words.
It caused me to think more about ‘being offended’.
When I have been ‘offended’ in the past it has been because something someone said was either rude or I had interpreted what was said as rude. It all comes down to our individual filters.
As our culture has become more casual, more accessible and more open I think we have more people who are comfortable to ‘blurt’ or to say something they intended to be funny without thinking of how it might ‘land’ for the other person.
Trust me, I have always had the infliction to blurt- even as a child my Dad told me I had to ‘edit’ what I said and to this day I work on my ‘inside’ voice and my ‘outside’ voice.
Here is how to recognize that we may inadvertently offend someone:
1. We HAVE to think about context- what is the generation of the person you are talking to? What is their gender? What are their values? Where is the conversation taking place?
If you don’t have all of the answers to these questions I have learned to err on the side of caution. At this conference I knew that the traditional attendees have a deep connection to the group and they see themselves as ‘pillars of the community’ therefore they expect to be treated with respect. I also interacted with Gen X ers who are newer to the group and they do not have the same deep connection, they are more casual in their viewpoints about the group and they tended to ‘make light of’ long standing practices.
Does any of this sound familiar to you in your organization?
If you are a Baby Boomer with traditional values and you are talking with a Gen X who does not have the same context you could very well feel offended.
If you are a Gen X talking with a Baby Boomer and the Baby Boomer implies that you have a long way to go towards success because you are younger- you too could very well be offended.
Either scenario is an example of not seeing from the other persons eyes.
The question we have to ask ourselves when we feel offended is, “why did this offend me?”
I have found that usually it is because I had a certain expectation and when the other person did not behave the way I expected I took offense.
I think it is important that we look at this because I truly believe that most people are not setting out to purposely offend. I choose to believe that most people are inherently good and if someone does say something that gives my back a rise I can respond assertively with a question like, “is that what you meant to say?” or “how is that helpful to me?”
Those two questions never fail to have the other person catch themselves and to promptly apologize.
It is my aim to never offend but how do I know when I do unless someone tells me?
I would much rather have someone tell me I have said or done something to upset them so I can at least have the opportunity to explain or make it right.
I did appreciate Larry Wingett’s session where he said, “as a group we have become too politically correct and this stops us from speaking the truth”.
Cheryl Cran, CSP is the author of 4 books including her most recent, “101 Ways to Make Generations X, Y and Zoomers Happy at Work”. She is a consultant, author and professional speaker who works with leaders and their teams to work better together and to get better results.
