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The Art of Relationship Making

Ask anyone who has gained some measure of success in their career and they will tell you the number one skill that has served them to the highest level is the skill in building relationships.

Donald Trump, Rosie O’ Donnell, Martha Stewart, Ellen DeGeneres all attribute their individual success to the quality of their relationships. So what is the art of relationship making that sets high performing leaders apart from others?

In my research for the book I am writing called, The Control Freak Revolution I have found that people want to help other people. People also want to do business with others who they feel they have something in common.

Here are the top 5 ways to master the art of relationship making:

1. High level self awareness- do you know your personality tendencies? Likes, dislikes and further to that your turn offs? Relationship masters know themselves so well that they can identify how to adapt to others based on their own inner self knowledge. Harvard Business Review February 2007 issue says that in their research leader self-awareness is the number one determinant of success.
2. High levels of love for others- do you find people annoying? Do you even like people? If you don’t this is a major roadblock to building great relationships. Like it or not we are a society that bases likeability as a deciding factor in who we will cooperate with. If you love people in general, if you have a curiosity for what makes them tick and if you WANT to create great connections you need to have a love for people.
3. Willing to ebb and flow- Are you rigid in your attitudes and beliefs? Do you find yourself wanting to defend your position often? Relationship mastery requires the personal willingness to move back and forth to give and take and to create wins for others which means flexibility and malleability.
4. Solution provider- Artful relationships are powerful when the basis of the relationship is on solutions. The best scenario is where everyone we interact with is focused on the same goal of being solution oriented. If we are constantly presenting problems or obstacles to others they begin to view us as too draining and will avoid us. On the other hand if you are someone who is ALWAYS looking for the solution that benefits the other person you will create beautiful and harmonious relationships that expand.
5. Make them look like a hero- people want to feel good. People want to be around people who make them feel good. If we are focused on making those in our lives and at work look like heroes they will respond with gratitude, trust and support. Recently at a huge conference a woman said to me as I passed her, “you are fantastic”. I stopped gave her a big smile, looked her right in the eye and said, “so are you!” and she joyfully clapped her hands at our exchange. The truth is when we recognize the brilliance in others they feel connected and in positive relationship to us.

The better the relationships we develop the better we feel about what we do and the more joy we gain out of our work. Here’s to great relationships!

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